| About Forwarding Chain Letters |
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In Case of Emergency, Break the Screen Glass and Post one of the Following Messages: |
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| Chain Letters - "It is not polite to forward chain-letters" | |
| Chain Letters - "Please forward the following message: don't forward chain letters". | |
Alternatively, you may use the old Churchhill's sport method: When asked if he ever had an urge to exercise he would answer, "Yes sometimes I do, but then I practice laying on the floor on my back, and waiting patiently until the urge passes." |
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| If You're Not Careful, You May Fall in Love With a Penguin | |
We would like to thank our user Elvin Lord for this wonderful contribution, posted on our message board (to our new users: your ice cream is safe, nothing in your computer can effect the calibration of your refrigerator...you don't have to move them apart...) |
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| Posted
by:Elven Lord ([email protected] ) Date posted: Tue Sep 9 19:37:18 US/Eastern 1997 Subject: Virii messages...ENOUGH!!!!! Message: Every few months on the internet, you will come across sincere warnings about Monster Viruses that transfer through your e-mail. Common sense tells you that this is impossible, that a text file is just text and it can’t hurt you or your computer. But the warnings claim it can and often add "My system administrator passed this on to me, so it must be true", statements. You begin to doubt your technical knowledge. Don’t! The warning itself , IS the "virus": it tricks people into passing it on, endlessly. Here’s how I shall deal with it. LAST "GOODTIMES" VIRUS WARNING.Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that aren’t even close to your computer. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television & VCR and use sub-space field harmonics to scratch any CD’s you try to play. It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there’s company coming over. It will put a dead cockroach in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work. Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar into your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner & hotel room to your Discover card. It will slander your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead or not, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your bosses voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and leave bacon cooking on your stove while it goes out to chase grade-schoolers with your new snowblower. LISTEN TO ME, GOODTIMES DOES NOT EXIST.It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If ANYONE sends me another e-mail or ICQ message about this (or any other virus) fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn them into a religion. I will do things to them that would make a horsehead in their bed look like Easter Sunday brunch. For those paranoid people, pls. read this.....only be concerned regarding actual attachments to mail, or files sent to you from someone on ICQ, or other, that you don’t know or trust. Run a damned virus program to keep yourself safe....and don’t forget to check all the MACROS you may have/receive for apps such as WORD or EXCEL.....Quit being a lamer, and don’t send out all these useless messages....you are just wasting other people's bandwidth....Thank you for your time. |
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| The Best of User-Submitted Chain Letters | |
| More Goodtimes | |
| "The (insert name) virus will tell your heart, your achy breaky heart. It will squeeze the toothpaste in the middle and change the expiration date on the milk carton. It will mess with the color controls on your TV and make your ceiling fan wobble." - Jeffrey A. Flowers | |
| Cheapskates | |
| "Let me ask a question first. Do you pathetic losers pay for Internet service ? Secondly , Mirabilis is a fine company who has posted from the very beginning of offering their software that it is "limited time, beta software"!!! You morons act like this is some new revelation EVERY week !!! People who send chain letters defaming ICQ, THROUGH ICQ should be whipped with a barbed wire cat-o-nine tails, then dipped in a mixture of sulfur." | |
| Sick and Tired | |
| "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF CHAIN MAIL!!!! Not only do I get virus warnings, rumors of icq charging, and stupid love chainmail, but completely useless crap, such as some loser that sat around and decided to make a budwiser beer truck using lines etc. Some of this stuff would be ok if I got it once, not 10 times. But either way, the next version of icq should have a filter for spammers and chain-mailers or something along those lines." | |
| Dedicated User | |
| "Sometimes I can't get to My machine for day's. When I do the first thing I do is go to ICQ. As soon as I am logged on My task bar extends into the next neighborhood with messages, which, I laboriously go through. I have to read each one in the hope of finding my regular contacts. Alas all I receive is chain mail, ICQ is going to charge and stay off ICQ on a certain day as a virus will infect the whole of civilization as we know it. For goodness sake. If ICQ were to charge and you don't want to pay, then uninstall it and use some inferior program. Why rubbish what is in my mind, a brilliant FREE program. Don't use it, hit the OFF button, but PLEASE, PLEASE don't annoy me. To those of us who use ICQ for what it was intended for, and utilize it's potential, we will have to come up with some zapper that banishes these perpetrators to the chat programs that are full of effluent Kindest regards to all." - John Nobley | |
| There is One Born Every Minute | |
| "As a new comer to the net and more importantly Icq. I too have been sent chain mail.....no, my house didn't burn down nor did my wife leave (DAMIT!) sorry honey :) or did my kids develop some awful decease! Nope none of that happened! I just trashed it (pretty much the same way I trash junk mail) and no malady befell me. I know some of you may find this hard to believe, but to those I say: Elvis has left the building, the Easter bunny isn't real and a politician has never taken a bribe! GET IT?! ohhh P T Barnem was right! There is "one" born every minute! :) Warmest regards, from a "forever" Icq user!" - Lea | |
| Strange People | |
| "I believe people new to the internet in general and icq in particular must be suffering from some new illness that eats peoples brain cells alive. Its as if I can actually see them growing more and more brain damaged as I watch them type. The most common signs of the illness coming on are the following. 1. People who chat you and then are to stupid to click on the screen so you can see what they are typing. 2. People who must have some kind of muscle jerks because they keep hitting the beep sound over and over. 3. People who send me messages about their moms having cancer and asking me to forward their messages for them. Here is a thought if your mom is really that sick maybe you should consider spending sometime with her, cause I'm sure she would like it more than me. 4. People who message me and ask me how to get online. Umm, these are the people that I cross the street when I see coming on the same sidewalk as me. 5. People who send me pictures made out of lines in messages. Hey you! Yea you know who you are, if you put half as much time into working as you do making pictures with lines, you wouldn't have to use a 14.4 baud modem on AOL! Lamers! Be warned if you come into contact with people displaying these symptoms contact your doctor as soon as possible and remember the stupid virus spreads through the eyes also!" - Nicholas Marroulis | |
| Heaven Isn't Free | |
| "Listen up everyone! I've just heard word that God is going to start charging for access into heaven, beginning next week (whatever week this is...it will be next week). since sending chain icq's is evil and will assure you eternal damnation... the only way we can get the word out is on here folks! The more people who respond to this topic, the more votes we have to keep heaven free! come on people...it's our duty to save the human race before this time-limited beta release (that is... earth) is gone!" - Icy Manipulator | |
| I Suppose Common Sense Isn't So Common | |
| Alright,
folks, I've heard just about enough. I've received so many of those silly statements
saying that ICQ will charge if I don't aid in passing the message to all 300,000 users, or
WHATEVER the number of the day is, that I am now, right here, writing my manifesto. My
personal proclamation, if you will. Beginning this day, October 14, 1997, at 8:49 a.m. CDT, I will no longer abide these messages with my usual gritted teeth and deletion. No. From this moment on, any user who dares send ME this completely uninformed message will be stricken from my contact list and plagued by demons. (please insert chorus of 'oohs' and 'aahs' here) I don't care if you're my bestest buddy in the whole-wide world, you're going off my list, and there will be no response whatsoever to your clamorings for my undivided attention (you bunch of whiners). I've warned all my friends of this, via ICQ, with a nice little link to the Mirabilis rumor-smashing page (thanks, Mirabilis, I'm glad you care enough to help discourage these messages yourself). I think it's ridiculous that someone would believe that Mirabilis would be so unprofessional as to rely on the users to pass a charge message around. Have they EVER shown themselves to be less than the utmost in professionalism? Puh-lease, people! I suppose common sense is not so common. I know I have to deal with stupidity in this world, so hey. Attention chain-mail/message senders: Go ahead with what you're doing, just don't send it to me. Those of us who refuse to believe in your silly superstitions and your silly lies will just look that much more intelligent. And with intelligence comes admiration. (My encouragement to the chain senders is facetious...which is under 'f' in the dictionary) - Lithium |
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| Protect Your Rights | |
| Get out you fourth amendment-protected most basic guarantee of all your liberties and SHOOT YOUR COMPUTER BEFORE IT BANKRUPTS YOU! - Paul | |
| Ludicrisity at It's Finest... | |
| ICQ will be charging for "Mass-forwarding" of messages. You will be required to pay $2.00 for everyone that you send a mass message to. Being the good lemming ICQ user that I am I have volunteered to manage the cash flow for this momentous project. Send check, money order, or cold hard cash to: Moot Cashflow Services - 101 Main St - Anchorage, Alaska - 99501 (Leave untraceable cash in brown paper bag behind drain pipe around back.) - Moot | |
| Knowledge is Power | |
| Thumbs up to all of the hard working people at ICQ, finally got that RUMOR Control Board Up and running! Like the rest of you out there, I get spammed with the usual garbage, i.e., VIRUS ALERT, ICQ WILL CHARGE, etc... Well do like me go to the source quit perpetuating what you cannot validate! Work on the premise "IF IN DOUBT, CHECK IT OUT!" Knowledge is power! - Suz | |
| When He Wants... | |
| That's my
standard reply to all Spam messages that come through icq.... When I need something from ICQ stuff - I call the CEO.
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